Are you fucking kidding me
And suddenly I have forgotten how to art.
can you not
And he’s like - “Whaaaat did you just said? DEADLINE?!?!?!?!?!”
Listen here, you little shit…
Saturn was NOT a single lady.
"I’ll tell him not to go to a play. Ever."
you should not hit dogs
Hey anon! Thanks for wanting to play Devil’s Advocate but someone’s already done that! Information here. But while we’re here, I don’t mind doing a few doodles of them <3.
Their relationship’s strained to say the least. Thanks for asking!
my boyfriend is in school to be a pharmacist
Your boyfriend is ugly
How much for him? 3 potato? Can we negotiate? (I WILL PAY A LOT HE LOOKS LIKE LEO FUCKING VALDEZ HE IS HOT YOU GO ‘MATE) (nice girl)
shoo hes mine also im not a girl
DinoGirl is complete! I colored and inked it in Photoshop CS6. grapeinajar animated the girl and I did the dinosaur. An older work that holds a ton of nostalgia for the grape and I.
Edit: Made it faster, better, stronger.
So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.
OMG ITS BACK
This shit needs to be published.
This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.
The horror doesn’t stop here though. I have lots more masterposts:
masterpost of gothic/horror novels (yes I link you to a PDF version of the entire book!)
masterpost to make you feel better (when all the horror is too much)
The following aren’t masterposts, but they have an abundance of information
for neonis00, lover of all these kinds of things